Unconditional
[[Boy standing next to broken window with baseball on ground. Father on haunches consoling him.]]
Dad: Don't worry, son. I'll love you no matter what.
Son: What if I'm a criminal?
Dad: Even if you're a criminal.
Son: What if I murder your wife?
Offpanel: Jonah!
[[Continued panel, mother cross]]
Mom: You call me mother.
6/15/11 2:36AM
Hearing people saying “I’ll love you no matter what,” really gets my panties in a bunch. They think it to be romantic, but it can only be interpreted to mean one of two things:
- (1) “There is no detail specific to you that earns my love.”: You can change in any conceivable way. Hell, there’s nothing about you that really makes me love you. All of it’s expendable. Probably the most unromantic thing you can say.
- (2) “I’m lying.”: Incredibly, the lesser of two evils.
So next time your lover whispers it sweetly into your ear, dump them on the spot. That’ll learn ‘em.
Credit goes to the wonderful and multi-talented Anna for inspiring this strip. Actually, the so-called inspiration was just her retelling a story about her brother. Badly, at that. I take back that credit and give it to the real Jonah who was obviously an awesome kid.
-Jesse
Up To My Nipples by William Moore and Jesse Simons is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License
FYI, this is one of your more hilarious concepts.
I have a third, less depressing option, which is how I’d mean this if I ever felt inclined to say it: I love everyone, but circumstances have led to your being important to my life. So yeah, you could be anyone else and I’d still love you, but you *are* more important to me than other people because we’re screwing or you’re my offspring or i’ve known you since i was four or whatever.
I think with people’s kids it generally *is* your first one, “there’s nothing special about you that makes me love you,” and i’m okay with that, basically.