Father Knows Best

Father Knows Best comic
[[Young kid and mom sitting one side of an interview table.]] [[Dad, looks nice, interviewing.]] Boy: Hey Dad, thanks for coming. Boy: Today, you'll be interviewing for the position of dad. Dad: I don't do spanking. [[Same dad, dressed a little differently.]] Dad: I do spanking, but no time outs. Dad: Sure, it hurts, but it's over fast. [[Same dad, third outfit]] Dad: I leave your mom and abandon you. When you're old enough, we'll have an emotionally strained reunion. Dad: Maybe. Dad: But because I'm not around, and your mom's too busy working... Dad: No punishment! [[Hands business card to the child. Hand gesture telephone.]] Dad: Here's my card. Dad: Don't call me.

1/13/16 4:15AM

This joke started father-less, like the kid behind door number three, with just the business card/don’t call me line. But Will and I, resenting our loving and nurturing fathers as spoiled brats might, seized the opportunity to transform this into a callow study of parenting.

Are those three strikingly similar men, triplets even? Are they all dark fantasies of the same father from the youth’s perspective? Does the dad carry around a wardrobe to match his split personalities? Is my slave artist too lazy to draw multiple distinct men? Like any great author, I’ll leave these deeper interpretive questions to you, dear reader.

Nipples Out,

1/13/16 4:49AM

I almost forgot. My friend, Josh, who rejoices at the thought of a new depressing comic also shudders at the thought of being mentioned online. So this one’s for you. And against you.