The Pant Profit

The Pant Profit comic
[[Stanislav, Mo, and Humphry sitting in living room. Mo same outfit, backwards hat, black]] Mo: Smoodge, why haven't we haven't pimped out our crib with all your Pant money? Stanislav: Yeah, about that. Mo: About what?! Just saying that doesn't get you off the hook. Stanislav: We sold scads of pantanta in the first quarter, and recouped our investment capital. Problem was, I only patented the right one. Zombie Thomas Edison, that undead asshole, swooped in on the left. Turns out, the right pant was a [[italics]]bit of a liability. Mo: Liability? [[Staring through window]] Stanislav: Bicycles. Mo: Oh dear God! Humphry: PANTEMONIUM! [[ pant in bicycle pandemonium. Naked man running from bike with pant in gears. One or two men tumbling with their pant sort of on their leg attached to the flipping bike.]] Zombie Thomas Edison: [[riding old-timey bicycle]] Suckers.

12/01/10 12:28AM

UPDATE: If you’re new to the site and don’t get this one, I recommend going to the archive and reading The Monocle.

We told you that pants puns would be back, and our word is bond. We even edited to avoid the worst. We were THIS close to using pant-ented instead of patented. As always, expect similarly awful puns to be back soon. Just grin and bear it.

In a language full of fantastic rarely-used pluralizations, -ata ranks right up there near the top. Though now that I think about it, I wish I had realized the pun potential in a mispronounced panti.

The comic chemotherapy seems to have been a success and our tumors have been replaced with scrollbars. Be on the lookout; we wouldn’t want you missing anything, even if you’re reading this site solely out of friendly obligation. The chemo also helped the comic lose some weight. The strips are now about a fifth of their former mass, so everything should load much faster.



12/01/10 12:50AM

In drawing this comic, I was forced to deal with an issue that every cartoonist inevitably encounters: how to draw my characters in the nude. Being a boy, I’m automatically endowed with a knack for rendering the male member. Just recently, my mom found one of my “drawings” while cleaning out my old room, and I’m sure it was both awkward and confusing for her. Sorry mum.

I’m capable of illustrating a penis, but do my characters need to have them? My style doesn’t call for realistic genitalia; none of the characters in “Up to my Nipples” have realistic bodies, so why would their junk be graphically detailed? If their arms and hands are to be used as models, a penis would be a line with a little ball at the end, which I suppose isn’t all that different from the real thing. That’s how penis’ are supposed to be shaped, right?

Ultimately though, I decided to leave my characters unequipped. They do, however, sometimes have nipples.



12/01/10 1:08AM

There are a few confusing things in the art on this one that someone should probably address. Since Will spent his post fixated on manparts, I guess it’s my job. There’s no good reason for the cyclists shirtlessness. You’ll just have to assume there was a brigade of bare-chested pant-wearing cyclists who each fell victim to the chain. In the same town. On the same street. Simultaneously.

You also may be wondering what the now makeup-free mime is doing with his arms in that first panel. You see, Will is a horrible racist and decided the best thing to do when introducing our first black character was to have him displaying a gang sign. I vetoed it, mostly so that we have more wiggle room with questionably-racist stuff in the future. His arms are what’s left of his short stint with the Bloods.



12/01/10 1:42AM

I never had the mime throwing “gang-signs.” Jesse is a double-crossing buzzard and a liar. In my first rendering he was displaying a peace sign. Scout’s honor.