The Captain’s ripped, but he’s missing the accompanying je ne sais quoi that appeals to the hotties. Could it be the green mullet/flat-top combo that rears its ugly head on redneck women with terrible decision making? The blue skin? The greasy/glossy complexion? Maybe it’s the red eyes. I mean, who has red eyes? Villains and albinos. That’s who.
The thing about those six-pack beer lattices is that they only get stuck like that when you try to eat ‘em. What, you thought Captain Planet made pollution disappear magically?