A Very Nipples Christmas Part 1

A Very Nipples Christmas Part 1 comic
[[Title card from a christmas movie, piece of mistletoe] Up to my Nipples Presents: A Very Nipples Christmas [[Robin Hood, fat with a big grey beard sitting in chair]] Narrator: Decades of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor had taken its toll on Robin Hood. His whiskers, once golden and finely trimmed like a young conquistador, were now hoary and unkempt. His tights lived up to their name. [[Little John looks like Lil' Jon with a goblet/chalice but in normal Merry men attire]] Narrator: More importantly his morality was undergoing a rigorous self-imposed overhaul. Robin Hood: Little John Little John: Yeah!? Robin Hood: I've been thinking. Little John: What!? Robin Hood: What are we doing favoring the poor? They're just rich people with fewer things. Robin Hood[[unconnected circle from off-panel]]: And always ungrateful. [[Robin Hood presenting a single boot and taking a rug from a cart]] Peasant 1: What am to do with an unpaired boot? Am I to feed my starving children leather for supper? Robin Hood: I guess you can have this rug too. Peasant 1: You expect me to use this rug without a matching armoire. Robin Hood [[unconnected circle from off-panel]]: No matter how trifling a gift I give them, those dickwads lord it over the other peasants. [[Same peasant wearing a single boot sitting on another peasant on the rug. A third peasant kneeling before him A fourth peasant behind the armoire ready to push it down.]] Peasant 1: Kneel before your vagrant overlord! Peasant 1: Kiss the boot of reckoning or be crushed by the armoire of sorrows!

12/25/10 12:07AM

Me: Little John, how would you rate that comic?

Little John: OKAY!

We considered having the peasant try to sell off the armoire of sorrows and boot of reckoning for malt liquor, but I’m not sure the Old English had Old English available to them.

Last time was a bit early, so I ought to wish you a proper Merry Christmas. As the only Jew in this operation, don’t expect Will to be doing the same. He’s too busy receiving presents and reveling in the merrymaking. That bastard. And if you’re feeling a bit light in the pockets but still in the mood for giving, kill all sorts of birds with one stone by recommending us to your friends.



12/25/10 1:16PM

Having Lil Jon appear like this kills me inside. I actually feel embarrassed. However, Jesse insisted. I would have kept my mouth shut about it, but then Jesse had to compound my embarrassment with his blog-post’s opening lines. Now, like the cowardly ostrich, I’m going to bury my head in the sand out of shame and guilt. Merry Christmas.