Irthdays comic
[[Smoodge wearing birthday hat]] Stan: Happy birthday! Mo: It's not my birthday. Stan: Happy birthday to me! Mo: It's not yours either. Mo: You had that a few months ago. Stan: Six months [[italics]]exactly[[italics]]. Which means today I turn twenty and a half. Mo: And you expect another party? Stan: Listen. I live forty, fifty years tops. We've got to squeeze in two a year just to keep things fair. [[Stan walking away]] Stan: Or we can do it the hippo way. Just say the word. Mo: What word? Stan: Girthdays. Stan: A party every ten pounds; your gangly ass'll never see its sweets sixteen. [[Close-up of smoodge shoving a party hat towards the viewer]] Stan: Now shut up, put on this festive hat, and grab a piece cake. Tonight we paint the town red. Stan: With a little luck and a lotta cake, tomorrow we [italics]all[italics] celebrate girthdays.

5/4/11 2:52AM

The SWEETS SIXTEEN is a day of feasting and celebration for the friends and family of a young hippopotamus. Festivities begin immediately upon a child reaching 160 lbs and continue until he or she tops 170. It is tradition for all guests, not just the child, to gain ten pounds, although exemptions are given to the sick and elderly. It is considered a bad omen if the ten pound mark is not achieved within one calendar day, so families provide dazzling arrays of dense and unhealthy foods. Hence the name.

Under the category “Jesse’s an Idiot,” I never noticed until this comic that Earth Day is a pun. Maybe you didn’t either, but I won’t make you admit that to me. I know as well as any that it’s way more fun to be the smart one, even if you have to pretend.

Is it just me or does everyone have a hard time distancing ‘girth’ from its common ignoble usage? I have the same problem with ‘moist.’ Say it to yourself now. Moist.



5/4/11 2:37PM

Birthday hats have been a constant struggle for me. Perhaps I should rephrase that: a constant danger. It’s only a matter of time before the thin elastic band snaps, slapping me in the face, usually around the eye area. Time and time again, I foolishly reknot the thing, only to have my precious orbs once again threatened. The compulsion to make things bend to my will often explodes personal safety. This is why I should never own a cat.