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Dicknames


Dicknames comic
[[Humphry staring at audience, at talk show desk, Stanislav on one of 2 couches to the side]] Humphry: As a fledgling comic, we understand it's our duty to ingrain ourself into the consciousness of our new readership. Inspired by our previous strip, we've decided to offer some recommendations for a pressing masculine matter that's sure to get you talking: Humphry: Original penis names. Humphry: Without further ado Humphry: Number 1. Stanislav: The Sex Column. Humphry: How have columnists not come up with this? Either I don't read enough of them or they really dropped the balls on this one. <> Humphry: If law's your thing, we offer: Stan: The Firm. Humphry: The only Tom Cruise movie with a better penis name than The Last Samurai. Stan: Or Risky Business. Humphry: Or Top Gun. Humphry: For those with an intimate knowledge of obscure colleges, you could try: Stan: Johnson and Wales, Humphry: Or my personal favorite and hence my own Stan: The Chubb Institute. [[Closeup of Humphry, Serious Face, Hands folded on desk]] The Chubb Institute is now accepting students.
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12/8/10 12:30AM

An above average number of readers expressed that they had no idea what was going on in Sunday’s comic. Ignoring the onslaught of passing quips, did everyone try saying that name at the end? It’s in there, I promise (that’s what he said). Our slogan ought to be “Up to my Nipples – Best Read Aloud.” Sigh. This time things are more sexual and straightforward, so I expect fewer complaints. Unless you hate penises, in which case, god save your soul.

Any self-respecting man knows that a funny and original dickname is vital. Go too formal by using official medical terms and you’re uptight. Go common or informal and you risk being overtly sexual and inappropriate. A perfect peen-name enables you in one fell swoop to peacock your sense of humor and have her on a first name basis with your junk.

Thanks go to my dear friends Wes and Mamaburrd; I’ve used their dicknames in this strip. To all the ladies reading out there, Mamaburrrd is a quarter black, and every ounce of that black resides in The Firm. At least that’s what I hear. Use that information in good health.

-Jesse

 

12/8/10 12:31AM

It’s really incredible how many Tom Cruise movies recall the phallus. Born on the Fourth of July, in particular, resonates with me as I was circumcised by an errant firework. Rock of Ages.

-Will

 

12/8/10 12:36AM

Will’s mother sent us an incredible email in response to a few of his blog posts, parts of which I feel comedically obligated to share with y’all:

“…If he ever says a character reminds him of his MOTHER then she better be good looking and NOT in the porn industry (and she better not be too old either….)

I would also like to verify that indeed I did find penis drawings in Will’s room when I cleaned it out after he left for college. I simply shook my head and sighed. This must be a boy thing as no penis drawings were found in his sister’s room when she left for college.”

-Jesse